tired

You know, it's not fair. Life is not fair. I know that's cliche or whatever but it's simple. It's true. Some days I am utterly happy. Like I cannot stop smiling and laughing and everything is just great. Those days make me feel like I'm capable of doing anything and everything. They make me feel like the person I've always wanted to be. Unfortunately, life doesn't always work in favor for me, or for anyone in that matter. On days that I'm blissful, I can instantly get this feeling in my chest that feels like a weight. Like I'm being pulled to the ground with no hope of getting back up. I have trouble breathing and the only way to ease the weight is to cry. To release droplets of salt from my eyes and try to forget everything. It sucks. It actually sucks. In an instant, I make myself crumble. I don't actually know why I get episodes like them but I do. Maybe it's the side effect of having long term depression and anxiety. I've been trying all these "coping methods" but I'n not coping. I'm distracting myself. There is a fine line between both of them that I cannot yet explain but I need to figure something out before everything gets bad again. I just don't have the energy to. I'm scared. Help.