stop

You grab my hand and ask if I'm okay, if this, was okay. I nod my head and return your love filled kiss.

Your tender lips travel down my neck which causes my skin to erupt with shivers and goosebumps.

I close my eyes, and that was my first mistake. As soon as I close them, I see his face.

His malicious eyes staring into me and no matter how hard I try, I can't look away.

You unbutton the bronze medallion on my jeans and kiss my thigh.

I wince.

You ask again if I am okay, I hastily say yes and tell you to keep going.

As you bring your fingers to my womanhood, I scream with utter terror and fall off the bed.

I curl into a ball and close my eyes. Another instant mistake. I can remember his touch.

His fingers are down the thin black fabric in an instant, pushing away the next barrier of fabric adorn on my body.

I can feel him, I feel a sharp pain with each thrust of his hand. A pain so blinding that I can't even get a simple no out of my mouth. A simple stop. How I wish I could have said stop.

You crouch by my side, hold me in your arms, and immediately apologize for something you have not done. For something you do not know. Oh how I wish I could tell you.

For the rest of the night, you hold me as sob after sob controls my body, convulsing my entirety into shambles.

He ruined me. And he didn't even care. I wish I could have said stop.

(Authors Note: this was by far the most difficult thing I have ever written. I am currently writing this, two hours, after I started. I'll be honest, I am a mess. Many of you may be asking why I wrote or posted this, because I felt like a coward. I felt like this sexual assault was my fault. It was far from my fault. Every time a woman or man posts something like this, they risk being threatened, assaulted more, slut-shamed, criticized, or being told that they were asking for it. Nobody asks to be hurt in the most emotional and physical way possible. So please, listen, speak up. Do something. Help one another.)