used to

I used to matter. Used to. That's the key word. Past tense. It means I don't anymore. Why do I think this? People show it. They used to ask me how my day was. They used to tell me how much they missed me. They used to care. Used to. I used to not care about all of these things. Until they made me realize how much people thought of me. What ever happened to effort? Am I the only person that still believes in it? I'm so sick of everything. So sick of trying for people that don't try for me. By this point in my life, I'm numb to everything. Numb to all the hate comments I get. Numb to all the shit I have to put up with to convince myself to be somewhat happy. I'm over it. It's times like these where I physically and mentally give up on everything. I make myself sick. I doubt my entire life. I just don't care about anything. I'm actually fed up with this whole life thing. I know I've said this before but this time, this time is different. Mentally, I am dead. Physically, I'm on the brink and I honestly don't know how much I can hold myself up. I'm sorry.